Common Misconceptions About Communication Training

As a communication coach, I regularly encounter two widespread misconceptions:

·        A communication coach needs to be a perfect communicator.

·        A communication coach needs to tell you how to communicate.

Before addressing these two assumptions directly, let me begin with a personal failure.

A Personal Case Study

Alongside my work as a psychologist, I have long taught foreign languages as a hobby. Some years ago, I approached a new potential client here in Moldova: an international company. I had developed a new concept for teaching Business English—one based on role-playing challenging workplace situations and tailoring each session to the specific realities of the client.

My wife strongly criticized me for giving away too much, but I decided to offer the company one free month: two 90-minute lessons per week, delivered by me at their headquarters.

My reasoning was simple. Since my approach differed significantly from standard Business English courses, I believed that a single trial lesson would not be enough for new clients to truly experience its benefits.

Taking my wife’s concerns seriously—but unwilling to retract my offer—I suggested a gentleman’s (or “gentlewoman’s”) agreement: if by week three it became clear that they did not like the service, we would stop after just two weeks.

Week three arrived, and I was told that everyone was happy. We would proceed to signing a contract “in the following days.”

Week four ended. No contract had been signed. I went on my summer holiday. Afterward, I followed up with my HR contact and received no response. Finally, toward the end of the year, I was informed that the training was not what they were looking for, based on participant feedback. I was promised access to this feedback—but despite following up several times, I have never seen it.

What Went Wrong?

My unsuccessful sales process illustrates several fundamental communication challenges:

·        Communication is about building relationships over time.

·        We are involved in multiple communication processes simultaneously, with different actors, each requiring different skills.

·        Communication mistakes are not always about saying something wrong; very often, they involve not saying something necessary.

Let me point out some of my own mistakes.

During my eight visits to the company, I never met my HR contact in person. In hindsight, this should have been a clear red flag—one I failed to address. How to handle such situations will be discussed in later chapters.

More broadly, I should have insisted on a personal meeting with HR at the outset to clarify their real needs and expectations—and to check whether there was a mismatch between what HR wanted and what the participants expected.

Looking back, I suspect such a mismatch existed. During our initial phone call, I distinctly remember the HR contact mentioning a Business English course focused on acquiring new technical vocabulary. My approach—role-playing difficult work situations in English—may therefore have seemed to some participants not like a “real” Business English course at all.

Had I provided written texts and vocabulary lists, it might have aligned better with their expectations. But we never had an open discussion about this. I spoke only with the participants, who appeared to enjoy the training and believed it addressed their needs.

A Core Lesson in Communication

This experience highlights a central lesson:

As communicators, it is our responsibility to help others dare to say what they would normally leave unsaid.

We must proactively explore what is not being voiced. This is risky. The other person may experience our questions as intrusive, irrational, or simply misplaced.

This leads to a crucial question:
How can we encourage others to reveal more of their intentions, thoughts, and feelings in an ethical and appropriate way?

Why Communication Coaches Don’t Need to Be Perfect

Earlier, we established a fundamental truth: there is no such thing as perfect communication. By definition, then, no communication coach can be a perfect communicator.

A useful comparison comes from the role of subject-matter experts in U.S. courts of law. An expert is not someone who knows everything—but someone who knows more than others in the room about a specific topic.

When choosing a communication coach, the relevant question is therefore not whether they communicate perfectly, but whether they are more advanced than you in the specific communication areas you want to develop.

If you want to learn to play Christmas carols on the piano within a year, you do not need a world-famous jazz or classical pianist. But if you are a recording artist, you will want guidance from someone who is clearly ahead of you.

The Real Role of a Communication Coach

This brings us to the second misconception.

The role of a communication coach is not to tell you what to say. Instead, it is to help you figure it out for yourself.

You are you—with your professional roles, constraints, and personality. What works naturally for your coach will rarely feel authentic when copied directly.

A coach’s task is to provide expert feedback on how you come across and to help you expand your communication repertoire by creating challenging, realistic training situations. The goal is not imitation, but development.

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Want to overcome insecurity and frustration with the foreign language(s) you’ve already started learning? Or maybe you want to learn a new language without going through endless standard course levels — but feel like you’re not making progress?

Grab a copy of my book: “The GO Method – Breaking Barriers to Language Learning” on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/GO-Method-Breaking-barriers-language/dp/1973118688

💡 Free Preview: Get the first two chapters for free by subscribing to my weekly newsletter, packed with tips and resources on communication psychology in international, multicultural, and multilingual contexts.
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Communication Psychology and HR: in small and practical lessons once a week.

With a focus on international and multilingual business conversations.

Gerhard Ohrband is a psychologist from Hamburg/Germany, specialized in Communication Psychology and HR. He coaches individuals and companies worldwide (in English, Spanish, Portuguese, Romanian and Russian) on how to avoid costly misunderstandings and handle conflicts with employees and clients.

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