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Do I Speak Too Fast? Or Is That Not the Real Problem?

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A recent question from a participant: “I speak too fast, and sometimes people don’t understand me—especially when I get emotional or agitated. What can I do?” Let’s start with an important principle: In communication, everything is relative. Speed Is Not Absolute There is no universally “correct” speaking speed. Some people prefer fast, energetic speech. Others feel more comfortable with a slower, more structured pace. What matters is not only how we speak—but how we are perceived . Interestingly, our self-perception is often misleading. For example, I personally tend to worry that I speak too fast. Yet more often, I receive the opposite feedback: that I speak too slowly. This shows how important it is to test our assumptions . Without feedback, we are often guessing. What Influences Speaking Speed? There are several possible reasons why we might speak too fast. 1. Perceived Status and Authority Some studies suggest a correlation between social status and spea...
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Why Keeping Updated on Politics Improves Your Customer Service

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Many people have tuned out of what’s happening in the world. That’s understandable. There’s so much negativity—economic crises, corruption, wars—that it can feel overwhelming. Politics, to many, appears to be a dirty game. So why would anyone deliberately choose to stay informed? And yet, I recommend exactly that. Let me explain. When people say, “I’m not interested in politics,” what they often mean is something broader. In practice, “politics” becomes a synonym for everything happening in the world: economic developments, social tensions, public debates, cultural shifts. It’s not just about elections or parties—it’s about the context in which people live. And if someone is not interested in what is going on in the world, there is a strong chance they are also not deeply interested in what is going on in the minds and hearts of their customers. That may sound harsh—but it’s worth reflecting on. I often hear people say, “I only focus on positive things—self-development...
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How to Handle Toxic People at Work

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  This is a question I receive at almost all my public speaking events and seminars: How do we deal with toxic individuals at work? My answer may not always sound very sensitive at first, so please be patient with me. Nowadays, the word “toxic” has become an umbrella term for many different phenomena. We are often very quick to label other people as toxic or even narcissists before carefully analyzing the situation. So before we discuss what to do about toxic people, it is worth asking a few uncomfortable questions. First, the situation itself may be more complex than it appears. If the difficult person is a customer, for example, we often have no idea what circumstances they are facing. Someone who is under pressure, in panic, or dealing with a serious problem may show verbal aggression or behave unpleasantly. In such cases, I would hesitate to call that person a toxic person . It may simply be a moment of stress. Second, it can happen that the other person confronts us w...
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Learning Perspective-Taking in Conversation

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I know that for some of you this might sound a bit strange—perhaps even controversial. Personally, I try to consume news media from the opposite side of the current political administration. For example, during the presidency of Joe Biden, I regularly followed Fox News and the New York Post . Now, with Donald Trump in office, I check CNN and The New York Times . The idea is simple: if you regularly expose yourself to perspectives you don’t typically share, it doesn’t mean you have to adopt those views. But it does make it easier to understand—and sometimes empathize with—people who hold different opinions. What does this have to do with the workplace? Quite a lot. Many of our colleagues and clients come from different political, cultural, or religious backgrounds. But the same principle also applies professionally. If you work in one field, you might deliberately read publications intended for professionals in a different area—for example, from another department in your comp...
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Listening to the Person Behind the Words: The Self-Revelation Dimension in Communication

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 When we communicate, much of what we hear goes beyond words and facts. The way someone speaks, the nuances in their tone, and the subtleties of what they leave unsaid all convey personal information. This is the self-revelation dimension of communication—listening not just to what is said, but to who is speaking. Activating the self-revelation ear involves attending to the personal information implicitly conveyed in a message. It prompts questions such as: ·         What background or experiences shape this person’s perspective? ·         What emotions are present? ·         What is implied but not explicitly stated? At this level, the focus shifts from factual content or argumentative structure to the speaker as a person. Two fundamental listening modes can be distinguished: diagnostic and empathetic . In diagnostic listening , the guiding question is: "What is...
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Why We Don’t Say What We Really Want

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In everyday communication, one pattern appears again and again: people want something—but they don’t say it directly. Instead of clearly expressing a request, they hint. They imply. They leave space for interpretation. And then they feel misunderstood when the other person does not respond as hoped. Why does this happen so often? The Hidden Logic Behind Indirect Appeals Two primary forces tend to drive this behavior: ·         Fear of rejection ·         Uncertainty about one’s own desires At first glance, avoiding a direct request may seem like poor communication. But psychologically, it often makes perfect sense. A particularly relevant concept here is rejection sensitivity , introduced by Geraldine Downey and her colleagues. Rejection sensitivity refers to a dispositional tendency to anxiously anticipate, readily perceive, and intensely react to possible rejection. People high in rejection sensit...
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Is “fake it until you make it” a good strategy for communication?

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“Fake it until you make it” is popular advice in business and personal development. It sounds practical, even empowering: act confident now, and the confidence will follow. But does this really work in communication? The short answer: it depends on what you mean by “fake.” Why faking is harder than it sounds Humans are remarkably sensitive to subtle behavioral cues. Research in social psychology and communication shows that we are often better at detecting inconsistencies between words and behavior than we realize. Even when we cannot consciously explain what feels “off,” our brains register it. For example, microexpressions—very brief, involuntary facial expressions—can reveal underlying emotions. A person may try to appear calm, enthusiastic, or confident, but fleeting signals in the face, tone, posture, or timing can betray tension or doubt. These small mismatches shape how trustworthy, authentic, or competent someone appears. Interestingly, when it comes to outright lies,...
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